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US Releases Strategic Alcohol Reserve Before Election Night

Andy Borowitz / The Borowitz Report
US Releases Strategic Alcohol Reserve Before Election Night A bartender pouring beer. (photo: iStock)
05 November 24

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

Responding to “a situation of utmost urgency,” President Biden released the nation’s Strategic Alcohol Reserve just hours before Election Night.

Immediately following the announcement, the price of vodka dipped below three dollars a gallon and Biden’s approval rating surged to 94 percent.

But even as Americans cheered, experts warned that excessive liquor consumption could cause severe mental impairment akin to that exhibited by undecided voters.

Statistics show that the nation’s alcohol supply has been under acute pressure since November of 2016.

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