"The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, 'The Borowitz Report.'"

Republican members of the House Ethics Committee revealed on Wednesday that they decided to release their report on former congressman Matt Gaetz when they realized that their voters do not read.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, one GOP committee member said, “The report is riddled with words that are far too long for people who had to google ‘tariff.’”

Explaining the Republicans’ about-face on releasing the report, he said, “It took us a second to remember that our base reads at a Tuberville level.”

The congressman noted that Republicans joined with Democrats on the vote, adding, “One of the only ideas that has bipartisan support in Congress is that Matt Gaetz is a dick.”