"The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, 'The Borowitz Report'."

On Thursday the government of Greenland flatly rejected Donald J. Trump’s offer to trade Vice President JD Vance for a stake in the island’s rare earth minerals.

In a strongly worded rebuke, government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson declared, “Greenland will consider any attempt to transfer ownership of JD Vance to this island to be an act of war.”

Greenland’s statement drew an impassioned response from the VP’s wife, Usha Vance, who urged the island’s government to reconsider Trump’s offer.

“I strongly recommend that you agree to this deal,” she said. “We’re not even insisting on the minerals part.”